Wednesday, May 20
Wednesday, May 13
My Own Existentialism
It's always constantly on my mind, more and more lately. It builds until I just want to run away to be by myself because I can't stand most other people when it gets this bad, because nobody else thinks the way I do, at least not completely. Dallas probably understands more than anybody the things that go on in my head. But it's really frustrating sometimes to have a conversation with any "normal" people because I am so far from the "normal" mindset and nobody understands why I do the things I do or in the way I do them.
Neither do I. I don't really understand why I am so determined to be unlike anyone I know.
Dallas said something along the lines of "It's all new to us when we get here." Speaking about when we are born. I never thought about it that way. I always thought we loved the things that we love now when we were in heaven. But Dallas pointed out that we couldn't have. We didn't have bodies. I never actually thought about all the physical and emotional experiences and feelings that we can have with our bodies. I never considered how empty we would be without them-how empty we were before we got them. We cry when we are babies because we don't know what in the world is going on or how to control our bodies. It's just like, what the F David Blaine? Where am I? Why is it so cold and dry?
Then suddenly we're 17, and we have 17 years of life to ponder and we already feel like we've lived our whole life because it's been so jam-packed and busy. John Mayer sings it "Welcome to the real world she said to me, condescendingly. Take a seat, take your life. Plot it out in black and white."
I don't think that we should have to decide everything right now. But, I do though, because without intense pressure and heat, we'll never turn from coal to diamonds. We'll never be good for anything if we live in mediocrity our whole lives.
Yet so many people are incapable of deciding anything for themselves. So many people are unable to stop stressing about every little thing in their life. So many people only wish to get married, and that 's all they think about their whole life.
We were smarter in elementary school, when the boys ran away from the girls, because they had cooties. In middle school, the boys found out that they liked cooties. But they didn't really know what to do about it. Then suddenly hugs and hands showed up. Freshman year we also figure out that girls have lips. Some of us, regretfully sooner. Then we date. We date and we date and we date. We turn 16 and we park. All this until we are 18 (or 21, for the good of us) and we get married. Then, we spend our whole lives trying to make ends meet and find happiness in the simple things, because we have to take care of our kids and wives, and don't have time or money for anything else.
That was all very digressional and beside the point.
But how shallow we can be. What is truly important in life? The Gospel, our family, and our knowledge are the only things we get to take with us.
So why do we spend so much time pursuing everything else? Ugh, or as Dallas would say, GRRR. (No question mark, though)
I hate hate hate hate everything in this world.
I take that last comment back, but feel free to read it a few more times for emphasis before processing the take it back part, it made me feel better anyway.
I'm going to make a list
1. I want to travel the world, the entire world.
2. I want to meet hundred and hundreds of people, personally, closely.
3. I want to have a lifetime of memories and experiences to share with my kids and grandkids.
4. I want people to stop being so, conformative.
5. I want to write songs about everything.
6. I want to play my music in front of thousands and thousands of people.
7. I want to make movies, and music videos.
8. I want to skydive.
9. I want to scuba dive.
10. I want to go parasailing.
11. I want to have dinner with a random person every night for a month.
12. I want to learn as much as Brother Moses and Brother Black know about the scriptures and the gospel.
13. I want to learn how to do as many different things as possible, i.e. build a sailboat, breakdance, design an amazing flash video game.
14.I want to learn German, French, and Spanish.
Who knows where we'll be in ten or twenty or fifty years? Well, those of us who stick around Blanding all their life know where they will be. The only thing worse than sticking around Blanding all my life, for me, would be to marry someone from here and live here with them all my life.
I love writing songs, because when you write a song, you create something that has never been created before. No other person in the world has heard or listened or written it. It's yours. It's your own. Whether it's good or bad, it's yours. I think it is a form of godliness, of creation. I can't even even imagine, I can't even process or comprehend doing anything else with my life. I mean, the other things will fall into place. There are hundreds of other things I want to do, but It is really central. Art, writing, I love it. I think a song in itself is a form of existentialism, because nobody tells it was to be, it just happens. There are no rules or instructions. Nobody can tell a song what it can and what it can't be. It just comes of it's own.
It starts as an idea. Just like we started as a idea. The idea wanted to be something more. Our Father in Heaven saw that we wanted to be, so he said, hey I'll show you how to do it. I will show you how to become like me. I've got a plan all laid out, and if you do what I tell you, then eventually you can be just like me. It will be the most amazing thing. Do it, and you won't regret it. You can't even comprehend it right now, but someday, you will.
I believe that were are who we make ourselves. We are the product of our upbringing, but that doesn't mean we can't choose anything we want. Everything that happens to us can have as great or as little an impact on us as we choose too let it have. There is no such thing as destiny. There is potential, and there is foreordination. We choose whether we become the things that we have the potential to become. The only law is God's law. God doesn't even like making laws. He believes in Doctrine and Principle. Yet, there are so many people that can't grasp Doctrine and Principle, that he is forced to make Law. But that is for another time.
Neither do I. I don't really understand why I am so determined to be unlike anyone I know.
Dallas said something along the lines of "It's all new to us when we get here." Speaking about when we are born. I never thought about it that way. I always thought we loved the things that we love now when we were in heaven. But Dallas pointed out that we couldn't have. We didn't have bodies. I never actually thought about all the physical and emotional experiences and feelings that we can have with our bodies. I never considered how empty we would be without them-how empty we were before we got them. We cry when we are babies because we don't know what in the world is going on or how to control our bodies. It's just like, what the F David Blaine? Where am I? Why is it so cold and dry?
Then suddenly we're 17, and we have 17 years of life to ponder and we already feel like we've lived our whole life because it's been so jam-packed and busy. John Mayer sings it "Welcome to the real world she said to me, condescendingly. Take a seat, take your life. Plot it out in black and white."
I don't think that we should have to decide everything right now. But, I do though, because without intense pressure and heat, we'll never turn from coal to diamonds. We'll never be good for anything if we live in mediocrity our whole lives.
Yet so many people are incapable of deciding anything for themselves. So many people are unable to stop stressing about every little thing in their life. So many people only wish to get married, and that 's all they think about their whole life.
We were smarter in elementary school, when the boys ran away from the girls, because they had cooties. In middle school, the boys found out that they liked cooties. But they didn't really know what to do about it. Then suddenly hugs and hands showed up. Freshman year we also figure out that girls have lips. Some of us, regretfully sooner. Then we date. We date and we date and we date. We turn 16 and we park. All this until we are 18 (or 21, for the good of us) and we get married. Then, we spend our whole lives trying to make ends meet and find happiness in the simple things, because we have to take care of our kids and wives, and don't have time or money for anything else.
That was all very digressional and beside the point.
But how shallow we can be. What is truly important in life? The Gospel, our family, and our knowledge are the only things we get to take with us.
So why do we spend so much time pursuing everything else? Ugh, or as Dallas would say, GRRR. (No question mark, though)
I hate hate hate hate everything in this world.
I take that last comment back, but feel free to read it a few more times for emphasis before processing the take it back part, it made me feel better anyway.
I'm going to make a list
1. I want to travel the world, the entire world.
2. I want to meet hundred and hundreds of people, personally, closely.
3. I want to have a lifetime of memories and experiences to share with my kids and grandkids.
4. I want people to stop being so, conformative.
5. I want to write songs about everything.
6. I want to play my music in front of thousands and thousands of people.
7. I want to make movies, and music videos.
8. I want to skydive.
9. I want to scuba dive.
10. I want to go parasailing.
11. I want to have dinner with a random person every night for a month.
12. I want to learn as much as Brother Moses and Brother Black know about the scriptures and the gospel.
13. I want to learn how to do as many different things as possible, i.e. build a sailboat, breakdance, design an amazing flash video game.
14.I want to learn German, French, and Spanish.
Who knows where we'll be in ten or twenty or fifty years? Well, those of us who stick around Blanding all their life know where they will be. The only thing worse than sticking around Blanding all my life, for me, would be to marry someone from here and live here with them all my life.
I love writing songs, because when you write a song, you create something that has never been created before. No other person in the world has heard or listened or written it. It's yours. It's your own. Whether it's good or bad, it's yours. I think it is a form of godliness, of creation. I can't even even imagine, I can't even process or comprehend doing anything else with my life. I mean, the other things will fall into place. There are hundreds of other things I want to do, but It is really central. Art, writing, I love it. I think a song in itself is a form of existentialism, because nobody tells it was to be, it just happens. There are no rules or instructions. Nobody can tell a song what it can and what it can't be. It just comes of it's own.
It starts as an idea. Just like we started as a idea. The idea wanted to be something more. Our Father in Heaven saw that we wanted to be, so he said, hey I'll show you how to do it. I will show you how to become like me. I've got a plan all laid out, and if you do what I tell you, then eventually you can be just like me. It will be the most amazing thing. Do it, and you won't regret it. You can't even comprehend it right now, but someday, you will.
I believe that were are who we make ourselves. We are the product of our upbringing, but that doesn't mean we can't choose anything we want. Everything that happens to us can have as great or as little an impact on us as we choose too let it have. There is no such thing as destiny. There is potential, and there is foreordination. We choose whether we become the things that we have the potential to become. The only law is God's law. God doesn't even like making laws. He believes in Doctrine and Principle. Yet, there are so many people that can't grasp Doctrine and Principle, that he is forced to make Law. But that is for another time.
Tuesday, May 12
Saturday, May 9
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