Things to Remember

I wonder what the actual percentage of our life we remember.  I mean, we certainly don't remember ever a hundredth of the things we do every second.  So much of it is just repetition. We remember things that people say and certain moments that are important or memorable, but how much of our life is actually remembered?  What we DO remember is mostly clouded and twisted to our perspective.

When I think back on my life the things I remember don't add up to much.  When I was very young I remember lots of things that involved trips with my family.  A trip that we took to Lagoon, camping, my grandpa playing us songs on his guitar, spending day after day on the trampoline with my cousin Derek. I remember I used to go to my Dad's office and play Lords of the Realm 2. I LOOOOVE that game.  I remember elementary school. I remember Mrs. Pehrson's class and I remember that I was the only in my family that did not have Mrs. Mikesel.

 I remember playing kickball outside the kindergarten room and we called it a "bomber" when you kicked the high and far in the air.  Sometimes we got to go play on the big kid's playground.  We gathered around in a pit in the corner of the room and had story time.  Those pits were in 1st grade too I think.  After we sang songs and had lunch we would read stories in there.  I remember Joey reading once.  That may have been 2nd or 3rd grade, who knows.  I remember that when Joey was reading I was sitting next to Megan Macdonald and I had a crush on her and I was finally sitting by her and I had gotten cut on the playground and I didn't know it and she saw my elbow and asked me what happened. I remember that Megan's sister would always pick her up after school and she would stand there in the doorway waiting for her.

I had Mrs. Gutke in 1st grade.  She is my cousin Gentri's grandma.  She used to own a bed and breakfast but then they moved away.  Once I stayed at her new house once.  She has an organ that you have to pump to play and she has a jukebox.  Gentri and I watched Hook at her house.

In Second Grade I had Mrs. Shumway.  Every day we would exercise and then clasp our hands together and take deep breaths.  One time, while we were doing that, Ruth passed out.  I remember that I almost became friends with Benny and Nache, and I did become friends with Trevor that year.  I remember playing at Trevor's house a couple of times.  I also remember when he lived in my ward and I remember when he moved.  I remember once I called both Nache and Benny to play but neither of them could.  Most likely that meant they didn't want to.  In Mrs. Shumway's class we would play this game on the computer called treasure diver or something.  I loved that game.  And it was on one of those really old macs that existed before everyone had a pc.  And the drinking fountains were in all the rooms.  We would go to the library and have a story read to us, and then we would get those giant library cards.  I read all of the goosebump books one year.  I could never save my AR points though, I always spent them all every time I went to the AR store.  I remember one year that Jimmy Tate moved to our school he got 27 AR points transferred to him and everyone else only had like 4 or 5 and we were all jealous of him.  I remember that he didn't know when his birthday was and he asked me and I told him my birthday and he said yeah, that was his birthday.  I remember how the girls would always chase the boys around the playground.  And we would do that for hours and hours.  Just run around and be chased and chase and in the end nothing would ever happen.  Well, that is what I thought.  Until I got pinned to the ground by Kelsey Bailey and she kissed me on the cheek.  COOTIES! I remember sometimes we weren't allowed to go outside for recess on rainy  days and so they would set up a TV in the hall and play a movie.  One time we watched the Pokemon movie.  Because when I was in 2nd grade Pokemon cards had just come out and had just become insanely popular.  My cousin Kip had a whole bunch of them and he gave me some of his extras.  There were like 40 of them and I remember that I took them to school and I was kind of tired that day and so I pretended to fall asleep at my desk and then everyone started to leave for PE and I decided that I wanted to go too so I "woke up" and went to PE and when I got back the Pokemon cards that I had left in my desk were gone and so I told Mrs. Shumway and she just said basically that there was nothing that she could do and that I shouldn't bring things to school if I didn't want them to get stolen.  Sigh... I never bought or traded for or found or wanted another Pokemon card after that.  I mean, what is the point?  Now there are like over 500 Pokemon.  What the crap?

In 3rd grade we got moved to the other side of the school to the big kid hall.  We were also on the other playground now I believe.  And they had just finished building a new playground and we got to enjoy it.  Go us.  I had Mr. Winder.  He would play us songs on his guitar and sing. I must have heard Puff the Magic Dragon 100 times that year.  That was the year that I was messing around with a little black bean and I put it in my ear and it got stuck there for like a month.  Nobody believed me.  We went to the clinic and the nurse told me that there was just earwax in my ear so my mom took me to the pharmacy and got earwax remover stuff but it didn't do anything. Obviously it didn't do anything.  Then a month later I was sitting on my bed that I shared with my brother Taylor, a giant waterbed, and it fell out.  I showed me mom.  She was so surprised.  I was so right. I remember that year that Mr. Winder taught us about his son that joined the Green Beret.  I remember that is the year that Ryan Gardner moved to town and we spent hours at his log house playing Conker's Bad Fur day which is still one of the most amazing games eve

In 4th grade I had Mrs. Cahoon.  I hated her and she hated me.  We had an understanding.  I hated that whole year.  I do remember starting football in 4th grade though.  I think that was the year we started.  Tyler Nielson's dad was my coach.  I was on the green team.  We were hardcore.  Well, probably not.  But I do remember that one time Tyler grabbed the football and said let's play smear the queer and so I smeared him to the ground, hard, and he started crying.  We were in pads and everything.  I remember how much wearing those football helmets hurt at first.  They kind of always hurt until a few years later.   That never made sense to me.  Maybe we all just had too small of helmets.  I remember that we would always play bronco ball outside during recess and we felt so grown up when we finally got to play football in a league with pads and actual rules.  Isn't it crazy how long kids can run around and not get tired.  All they have to do is catch their break really quickly and then BAM they are off again.  They could run around crazily all day long if they wanted to.  I sure did when I was a kid.

In 5th grade I had Mr. Turk.  He is still one of if not the best teacher I have ever had.  I remember learning about the revolution and about the earth and making cakes that represented the fault lines that volcanoes come out of.  I remember that Jesse Grover was our King George that we all hated and I was a Yankee and I memorized the midnight ride of Paul Revere.  Listen my children and you shall hear, of the midnight ride of Paul Revere on the 18th of April in '75 hardly a man is now alive who remembers that famous day and year. He said to his friends if the British march by land or sea in the town tonight hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch of the north church tower as a signal light. 1 if by land  and 2 if by sea and I on the opposite shore will be ready to ride and spread the alarm to every Middlesex village and farm for the country folk to be up and to arm.  THERE!  ha ha.  I remember having Mrs. Adam's and Mrs. Robert's classes.  I didn't have to have Mrs. Lyman's class. THANK GOODNESS!  This year we did the DARE program and got pizza at the end of the year.  We made rockets that we filled with water and shot off.  They were awesome.  He had awesome microscopes that I used to look at things through.  This was the year that Natasha Bleak moved here and all the boys followed her around. This was the year that I broke 2 windows.  1 with a bouncy ball, 1 with a kickball. It was a very good year.  I remember swinging after the day that we went to tour the middle school and talking about how we did it, we were done. Of course it wasn't even the beginning. This was the year that our dog Tazja died and I spent a day at home crying my eyes out.  Then I went to school the next day and Ryan Gardner asked me where I had been the day before and I told him I was sick and he asked if I had puffy eye or something like that and I said yes. This was the year that I spent hours and hours sitting in my cousin Kip's room playing video games like Road Rash and Mario 64 and Zelda Ocarina of Time. Once in 5th grade I got sent to the office for kicking Curtis Black on top of the tower on the playground.  I was kicking him because Natasha Anderson was mad at him and asked to me kick him so she could get back at him.  Our Principal Mr. Barlow had moved the year before and there was a new Principal.  Her name was like Ms. Johnson.  I was sitting in her office and she called my mom and I started crying because I was so mad at her because she was the devil and I was only kicking Curtis because Natasha wanted me to.  Besides we all thought Curtis was gay.  Turns out that he isn't gay.  He is actually a way awesome person.  But I was 10 what did I know?

6th grade.  That was... a year.  As old as I felt leaving elementary is how young I felt entering middle school.  That year is the year I met Kelly Davis.  I walked outside on my first day of middle school after lunch and there was this crazy Jewish girl who I had never met or seen and she comes running up to me and gives me a big hug and goes "Talon how are you!?".  I thought that hugging was like a sin or something.  What did I know?  I knew nothing.  It is the year that I met Mr. Hughes.  I had his class for 2 hours a day.  So did everyone else, I wasn't dumb, that is just how it was.  I just made 2 comma splices.  I don't care.  That was the year that I met Mr. Squires and Mr. Lyman and some other woman teacher.  I still remember my locker combo was 44-32-18 and I didn't even know how to use it until someone showed me.  Mrs. Lake was our English teacher for a term.  She pronounced it Uhn-Glush.  Then Mr. Tanner moved in and we had his class.  His room was outside in the portable where special ed usually was.  We read a book with him.  I'm not sure what is is called but it was a mystery book.  Ah well.  This year Devon moved back and I started hanging out with him again.  We played so much halo.

7th grade was a weird year.  I bleached my hair blonde.  I didn't get along with my father from pretty much that point on.  I remember Mr. Bower's class. We read Tangerine.  I love that book.  We also read swallowing stones.  I hate/love that book because the whole time I wish that he would fall in love with the girl but in all actuality he can't because he accidentally killed her father with a bullet he shot into the air.  But guess what, that is impossible.  The bullet wouldn't have killed anyone.  Anyway, yep.  This is the year that we did Much Ado About Nothing for the school play.  I loved that play.  This is the year that Dallas moved here. He had giant curly hair and massive braces.  I spent lots of time in Devon's basement playing halo.  I set up our xbox in my room and spent my time jamming to Linkin Park and playing video games.  We also had tons of Halo Fests and Gardner's house.  Oh my gosh those were sooo amazing and sooo much fun and sooo... epic.  Also who could count the number of hours that I used to spend on MSN talking to people?  It's crazy how fast everyone went from MSN and Myspace to Facebook.  It seems like it happened overnight.  I guess maybe it took longer than that.  I remember people talking about Facebook and I remember thinking to myself that I would never do Facebook and that I would always stick with Myspace. HA.

8th grade is the year that I started hanging out with Eric. It was the year Mike introduced me to the guitar. I remember the summer after 8th grade was the most amazing summer ever.  I remember that year hanging out at Jorden's house with her and Ruth and Ashkia and Stormi and Jordann and Devon watching movies eating pizza and playing Tekkan. We would play night games at the North Chapel almost every night. I remember getting perfect attendance 8th grade year because I wanted a prize and I remember missing lots of stuff I could have done that I didn't because I was going to school and in the end I didn't even get acknowledged for it.  That was the year that I played football on the middle school  team.  We thought we were so awesome walking through the gym after practice all sweaty and tired while all the girls were practicing volleyball.  This year was the year that I made the mistake of dating Jessi Palmer.  I was young and innocent and didn't know any better.  I remember that I had never really even hugged anyone before her, except for Kelly Davis that time in 6th grade.

Freshman year I made it a point to attend as little school as possible.  I remember doing football which was retarded in the end because I hardly ever even got to play anyway.  I remember once they put Eric and me in on defense for a play. One of us caused a fumble and the other one recovered it.  So then they took us out and didn't put us back in.  That is about the extent of recognition that we got.  So I didn't do football after that year. I got hired that year to work for the school in the tech booth.  I even made some money. This was the year that I thought I loved Kenzie. That was the year that we ditched school to work on a treehouse in my backyard that never even got finished, but it was fun all the same.  That was the year that we left after one of the last days of school and drove around in my dad's jeep.  I didn't have a license but I didn't care.  That was one of the best days of my life.  We ended up breaking the clutch on the jeep from push starting it so much but it was still awesome.  This was the year that I started learning how to play the drums so that I could be in a band with Dallas and Greg and Ryan.  We got pretty awesome in my mind.  I dunno, it was fun.  I loved it.  But it didn't work out in the end.  People couldn't get along with each other. But it lasted for awhile.  This was the year that Mr. Berrett moved here and basically hired his students to help him build his house.  I made like $1000 from working with him.  I used most of that to buy my drums.  I loved my drums sooo much.

Sophomore year was definitely... a year.  It was the year that Failing Overpass was rocking.  It was the year that I dated Stormi.  That was the worst.  I mean, it wasn't, then.  I thought it was great.  Of course, I didn't know anything.  I didn't realize how unhappy I was.   I didn't realize how mean she was.  That was the year that Natasha and I would sit in the band room and jam Santeria on bass and guitar.  That was the year that we did the musical Grease and I was in the greasy pit band.  I played the drums.  That was the year that I got a job at R&R Pizza.  That was the best job ever!  Especially when I worked with Seth and Coleman.  We were the best.  Alisha and Mykin and Felicia were also awesome to work with.  My favorite night was the night that Coleman and I put a bucket of ice in Seth's fryer and it spilled all over his floor.  He then dumped a bucket of oil all over my clean dishes.  I also slipped on the greasy floor and landed on my back several times.  Even though we had to completely clean the whole place twice we still got out by midnight, and then played baseball in the back parking lot.  I miss that job.  I miss those times.  They were definitely full of emotion. It was around that time that I bought an iPod and started buying CDs.  I fell in love with music all over again.  I miss the pizza and the ice cream and the breadsticks and the sandwiches and the calzones and the zappoles and the vanilla pudding.  I miss parking in the slanted parking lot and delivering pizza to people and making tons of money.  There are times in your life that mean a lot and that you never forget because everything you do becomes ingrained in you.  This year was one of those times. Maybe it was the hormones. Awe, if it was the hormones then I want them back!  I wish that life was like that now. It was almost the end of Failing Overpass.  We did sell a bunch of shirts and played some shows. We played in Montezuma Creek for Andrew Todachinni's graduation.  We played at Jorden Gidding's birthday part.  We played at the Park, and we played on the 4th and 24th.  The 24th was one of the best shows we ever had.  It was also like... the last.  Dallas had left and it was just me, Greg, and Ryan.  We played though.  We rocked.  I met Rachel that day though I forgot. I met her and her sister and her cousin.  They liked Ryan's belt.  This is the year that  mike totaled his sister's car into a tree.  We had to take another dumb color-maps-and-pretend-to-learn-so-I-can-pretend-to-teach-and-keep-being-a-coach-and-yell-at-football-boys class from Coach Lee and one day I came into class and he was sitting there all weirdly looking like something traumatic happened.  That is what happened. I got a 1 on my tuba solo at state this year. I spent a lot of hours in the tech booth this year for plays and kygalia arts stuff.

Junior Year was another year.  I was 17.  I wanted to be graduated already.  I wasn't very involved with anything.  I didn't date anyone. I spent my time doing things that made Mr. Hendry mad like ditching school and not writing the writing assessment, which I got suspended for.  Mike got his license this year and then he got a car.  We cruised around in it all the time Jammin to Escape the Fate. We spent the summer before this year crusing around in Devon's cars and swimming in the pool in the middle of the night and doing all sorts of t hings that were illegal.  I ran cross country this year.  I don't know why, it just seemed like a good idea at the time.  I thought I loved Mackenzie Ward.  I almost dated Kelsey Wilson this year.THAT was weird. I remember sitting on the grass and finding out about Billy Talent from Kelsey Bailey this year.    I took music theory from Mr. Bake and I bailed on FIRST.  Then summer came.  I went to the premiere of the sixth Harry Potter with Samuel Shabadoo and I saw this girl with a neckerchief on her head and she looked familiar.  Then I remembered that I had seen her at the concert that Failing Overpass had played the year before. Or was it 2 years?  I dunno.  Anyway,  I was like Sam, who is that?  And he thought that her name was Holly.  But ACTUALLY her FRIEND'S  name was Holly.  HER name was Rachel.  So I did what any stalker-type person would do.  I looked her up of myspace.  I remember the first thing that we did together was drive to comb ridge and we climbed to the top and threw paper airplanes off.  Then we went back to my house and I tried to teach her how to drive my dad's jeep.  Then we went with Jordann and Eric and I think Ryan and Sam to Preston's pond and threw rocks in it.  It was an awesome day. I worked at Patio for a few months that year but I got fired because 1- I didn't work on prom night when I was scheduled even though it was written off a month in advance and 2- I wasn't there to cover for someone, I wasn't even scheduled, I just wasn't available to cover for someone because I was at the Big @$$ Show with Dallas.  That was such an amazing concert.  We saw Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Unwritten Law and Single File and The Offspring and Billy Boy on Poison and The Airborne Toxic Event and some other bands too.

Senior Year.  I was done.  I thought I was done.  I thought I would just take a few classes and that would be that.  Turns out that I ended up taking 3 college classes and taking 1050 on the ednet is just awful especially when your teacher is Gordon Reeve.  That was such a horrible class.  Luckily Rachel was in it also and she showed me how to do everything.  That and some cheating on some tests and I was able to pass.  It was weird not having anyone older than us in school but it really did feel like it was time for us to be there and gone. Now we are gone.  The last few months have been so awesome.  All I did was sleep and eat and hang out with Rachel.  It was amazing.  It was bliss.  It was all I ever wanted and I knew it couldn't last.  Because I finally found a job.  So did she.  In Bryce Canyon, Utah.  It's only... 7 hours away.  Yeah.  Oh well, I have 2 months left.  It is weird working here. I sit here all night and sleep all day.  Sometimes life doesn't feel real.  Basically everthing about my current circumstance is the opposite of how I want it to be.  Rachel is not here, I work all night, uh... well those are the only 2 things I can think of right now.

I'm Always So Tired Because...

Well it is because of the job I have mostly.  I guess I haven't really had any sort of sleeping pattern since I graduated but getting this job was definitely the nail in my any-chance-of-ever-having-a-normal-sleep-schedule-any-time-soon coffin.  Sometimes I stay up for a really long time and don't really know how tired I am because I spend so much time in a row being tired that it doesn't really make a difference to mind mind whether it is 5 or 25 hours.  Dallas says that is how he feels all the time.

I haven't slept since I woke up yesterday around noon.  Then I drove home from Cedar City. Then I hung out at my house for a couple hours.  Then I came to work.  I had to stay up all night because some people never showed up.  Happens pretty much every night I work.  So here I am.  The exhaustion just hit me.  10 more minutes and I can go home to bed.

I sold my drums, that is why I was in Cedar City.  I sold them to some retard who didn't even appreciate them.  Oh well, whatever.  I also got to see Rachel while I was over there!  It was AMAZING.  But I wish I could have stayed longer.  We explored Bryce Canyon and hiked and went to subway and watched movies and hung out with Katherine.

Maybe If I Remember Every Minute of My Life Like This It Will Improve My Memory

I'm cruising down the road on a silver scooter with a pink camo seat.  The wind is blowing through my hair as the puttering sound of the motor whines through the muffler.  I look to my right and see a beautiful sunset.  I drive past an alfalfa field and it gets immediately cooler.  I stop at Clark's to get food while I work. I see Darin. We chat.  Ayla checks me out.  We do not chat.  I buy a chimichanga and some chocolate milk.  I drive to work.  I am early.  I drive towards the football field.  The sounds of the crowd and the smell of the grass reminds me of my childhood. I drive to work.  Here I am.

There Was Another Time In My Life

Do you ever feel like you no longer have a point of reference?  You try to figure out who you are from the changes between point A- who you once were, and point B- who you are now, but in tracing the memories in back through your mind you realize that you can't remember who you were, because you are only who you are, and you have always been just that- exactly who you are.

I know that there was another time in my life, when I wasn't this way.  I was another way.  I didn't think this way. I thought another way.  I know that there were times when I was much angrier, much quieter, much more bitter, and much less honest.  I know that there were times when I was much faster, much more involved, much more enthused, and much more outgoing.  I was once much more lonely, much more bitter, more synical, and much less sincere.

There was a time when I hadn't met the person I want to marry.  There was a time when I thought that I could marry that person.  But at the time, I didn't really think about it that much.  So it didn't matter that much.  Did it?  It matters now.  It's almost like everytime I truly care about something I end up being forced to watch it slowly turn to sand and slip through my fingers and the harder I squeeze to more I lose it and it is only a matter of time until it is gone and I'm left standing there with my head down and eyes closed as my imaginary life blows away in the wind and all I have left is a few memories of what once was.  But memories just aren't enough.

But I guess that is all anything that never works out is right?  A memory of something that we made up.  Some thing that we created in our mind, an idea.  We put ourselves in these circumstances and we make up this whole future and we plan, or hope, that one day things will be a certain way and THAT is what we hold on to and how we keep ourselves happy.  THAT is what we cling to in the middle of the night when the nightmares keep us awake.  THAT is what we cuddle in our arms when we are left alone to our thoughts when the thing that we want most in life is hundreds of miles away.

I can see how some of you might view this as a negative thing.  Maybe we should give up hope and only hold to the things that actually have some possibility of working out?  We can't change people.  People don't change.  We should only hold to the dreams that are actually possible.

Yeah well, sorry, but I am going to keep my faith.  Impossible things CAN work out and I'm going to hold on a little longer.

Jacob of Old (The Retard)

We all know the story of Jacob and Rachel right?  He worked seven years for her father to earn her hand in marriage.  Then after seven years, he was given the wrong girl, Rachel's sister.  What lessons are we to learn from this?  Some people would say that we need to learn how to work so that we aren't lazy.  Other people would say that we should have to work hard to get what we want so that we will appreciate it.Others would say... I don't know.  Frankly, I don't care what they say.  Oh my gosh all I can think about is how freaking retarded Jacob must have been.

I mean seriously, did he not once in 7 years kiss her, or know what she smelled like, or hear her voice?  Or did everyone just stink all the time?  Did they not greet each other when she entered his tent in the dark?  Or were they too busy?  I can't even imagine how that morning went.  "Good morning my wonderful... OH MY GOSH YOU'RE NOT RACHEL!!!" What happened then?  Did they not have a wedding the day before? 
Where was Rachel?  Did she not know that she was supposed to sleep in his tent the night they got married?  Did  she not wonder why she wasn't?  Wouldn't that make her sister an adulteress and condemned to die or something?  Besides the fact that he was a moron to agree to work 7 years for Rachel, why did he then agree to work 7 more years for her again?  RETARD!

Oh my gosh.   The lesson to learn is don't sleep with someone if you don't know who it freaking is.

I hate Jacob.

Seminary?

I think I want to be a seminary teacher.  I have been thinking for awhile that I would like to be a teacher of some sort.  I believe that time is more important than money.  I would make enough money certainly to be comfortable, right? If I am supposed to study the gospel and scriptures all my life anyway, I might as well get paid for it, right?  It would be a very good place to be in life. Summers off and weekends off and.... I dunno.  It's crazy. I think I want to do it.  Who knows? I have lots of time to decide.

Poor Little Deacon

When I was a deacon I remember being scared to flip the sacrament tray around so that the remaining water that was left would be closer to the person that I was giving it to next.  I thought it would be irreverent or something.  I wish someone had told me that it would have been okay.

Haircut?

I hate it I hate it I hate it! 

So I just keep telling myself, it's for the Lord, for 2 years, then you can grow it back.  But still...  Why?

Never Come Between A Man and His Teddy Bear

This is Darth Sinuis.  He is terrible and wonderful to behold!  You can call him Nui.  It's like "newie".  I got him from Rachel for Christmas.  He is my substitute for when she isn't around, and that is all too often.

There is just something about teddy bears. I love them but most especially this one

Phoenix pt. 2

The above is pretty much the overall feeling of my being.  Don't just look at it and think, "awe, he's sad"  because that would not be all of it.  This smiley depicts exhaustion, weariness, loneliness, boredom, nonchalantness, the inability to spell any words correctly at this point in time, nostalgia, AND sadness.

Our team is currently in 5th of 56 places.  We were in second and tomorrow we should be back in 3rd.

I'm on my 5th slurpee.



We went to the mall yesterday and I got this belt.  It was $8.50.  Talk about awesome.

I

Phoenix

Once again I'm in Phoenix for the FIRST Robotics Competition.  It's not as warm as I had hoped.  I don't think I want to even be here.  It's just...  Well the competitions are always boring.  They aren't really my thing.  I didn't even work on the robot.  I just did a bunch of photoshop and pretending the contribute so that I could get hours and come here and for what?  Well, at least there is no snow, and I can get a slurpie from the 711 next door anytime I want (while we are at the hotel).  I mean, of course it's going to be an awesome time, but still.  There are other things that I would rather be spending my time with....

Blah.  Here is a picture of Obama Maul. That I did.

Pet Peeves

I HATE when people chomp and smack and slurp and chomp when they eat.  I hate it I hate it I HATE IT!

I HATE when people hit me in the head.

I HATE when people pull my headphones out of my ears.

If someone were to hit me in the head and pull my headphones out my my ear and then try to talk to me while eating loudly, I would lose it.  I would probably jump at them and start beating them and I wouldn't be able to control myself and either I or they or both of us would get hurt.

4 more hours!

I sleep too much. For a long time I've been sleeping in until after 10 on tuesdays and thursdays and fridays and missing seminary each of those days. Sometimes I skip my writing class and even government. But I'm still caught up in all of them, except seminary. It's weird, I don't like sleeping too long and I don't like waking up and realizing that 3 or 4 hours are just...gone. Yet I can't seem to make myself get up, ever. I even like mornings.

I think that we should slow the rotation of the earth, somehow, and then we would have instead of 24, 28 hours! YEAH! Then we could go to bed and sleep for 10 hours and still have 2 extra hours to do whatever we want like take our time getting ready, or lay in bed, or read a book. Then we would still have the normal time to do all those other things. Of course, the government would probably create a 10 hour work week instead of 8. The time change would be exploited in every which way....

I'll just be a rockstar. They get to sleep in and they don't miss anything important.

Why Not

It's common for people to ask the question, "Why?" I more frequently ask the question, "Why not?" As a general rule, the reasons for my doing most anything are typically along the lines of "because" and "I feel like it". Rather than give such a boring answer every time someone questions my motives for doing something I just ask them why I shouldn't be doing something. If they can't come up with a good reason then there is absolutely no reason for me not to do it. Even if they can come up with a reason, I don't care.

Rain

I love the rain.

I love playing in it.

I also didn't realize until today how much I love rain boots and rain coats, but standing there in a puddle with water up to my calves, yet completely dry from my head to my toes; it's a good feeling. So I stayed in Bountiful because I now have to drive my parents' car home because Chailee is bringing it up because her car doesn't work. I guess Tanya and I were just meant to spend a day at lagoon together. I love everything.

It was a great day at lagoon at any rate. One of my favorites. We rode on almost every single ride we could, and then we got rained out. Yes, we even rode Rattlesnake Rapids while it was raining. There were like ten people left in the park. This large islandish lady was operating what looked like a little kid's ride. She told us it was the most awesome ride in the park and that we just didn't know what was coming. Turns out, it was the most awesome ride in the park. You drive your own airplane up and down trying to dodge the water squirting out of various ocean animals mouths. I got Tanya all sorts of wet.

This is Hardy

And I party. Said it.

I love it here.

But.

I have a conflict of emotions. At least it's not of interest, unless it's like the interest of God and Satan in me, but I get that pretty much everywhere. Although, It was the first time I had a girl pull out a condom and say "If you laugh then I get to have sex with you." I laughed, what else could I do. It was funny. We didn't have sex. I went my entire 17 year without kissing anyone :) I haven't kissed anyone since I've been 18 either, in case you were wondering. Could have though. Go me.

Weird that I'm 18 now. I'm old, I'm legal, right? Well, it's not like I'm going to get in any more trouble that I would have when I was 17 because I would have been tried as an adult anyway, and you can't smoke until you're 19 in Utah anyway (thanks Dallas). So, pretty much, nothing is different. Although I did get this weird feeling at midnight of, uh, today. So, possible I've acquired super-human powers and I may become a superhero or supervillain.

But anyway, back to the conflict that I was talking about before I remembered that it was my birthday and that I denied someone from having, uh, me.

I don't really want to go home, but my only options for going home are either tomorrow with my parents, or in two weeks with my sister. I don't want to stay for two more weeks. Why? Well obviously the answer to this problem is an all-resolving answer. I'll just put in in three words. I have no car.

If I had a car, I could go home whenever I like. I could go anywhere I like. I could go to Idaho, I could go to Nevada and smoke. I could drive down that street to the store. Sadly, I haven't a vehicular, and I am stuck here like a stranded lizard on an island at Lake Powell. Geez, where is my liberation? Thanks for nothing18th birthday. Said it. But anyway I just got off the phone with my Mom. I guess I'm going home tomorrow. I guess I better go tell everyone goodbye... Ah! I don't want to leave already! What the eff David Blaine? This is really unfair.

K, well, if you don't wish me a happy birthday today, then I don't know you.

The Door That Eats People

My Own Existentialism

It's always constantly on my mind, more and more lately. It builds until I just want to run away to be by myself because I can't stand most other people when it gets this bad, because nobody else thinks the way I do, at least not completely. Dallas probably understands more than anybody the things that go on in my head. But it's really frustrating sometimes to have a conversation with any "normal" people because I am so far from the "normal" mindset and nobody understands why I do the things I do or in the way I do them.





Neither do I. I don't really understand why I am so determined to be unlike anyone I know.





Dallas said something along the lines of "It's all new to us when we get here." Speaking about when we are born. I never thought about it that way. I always thought we loved the things that we love now when we were in heaven. But Dallas pointed out that we couldn't have. We didn't have bodies. I never actually thought about all the physical and emotional experiences and feelings that we can have with our bodies. I never considered how empty we would be without them-how empty we were before we got them. We cry when we are babies because we don't know what in the world is going on or how to control our bodies. It's just like, what the F David Blaine? Where am I? Why is it so cold and dry?



Then suddenly we're 17, and we have 17 years of life to ponder and we already feel like we've lived our whole life because it's been so jam-packed and busy. John Mayer sings it "Welcome to the real world she said to me, condescendingly. Take a seat, take your life. Plot it out in black and white."



I don't think that we should have to decide everything right now. But, I do though, because without intense pressure and heat, we'll never turn from coal to diamonds. We'll never be good for anything if we live in mediocrity our whole lives.



Yet so many people are incapable of deciding anything for themselves. So many people are unable to stop stressing about every little thing in their life. So many people only wish to get married, and that 's all they think about their whole life.



We were smarter in elementary school, when the boys ran away from the girls, because they had cooties. In middle school, the boys found out that they liked cooties. But they didn't really know what to do about it. Then suddenly hugs and hands showed up. Freshman year we also figure out that girls have lips. Some of us, regretfully sooner. Then we date. We date and we date and we date. We turn 16 and we park. All this until we are 18 (or 21, for the good of us) and we get married. Then, we spend our whole lives trying to make ends meet and find happiness in the simple things, because we have to take care of our kids and wives, and don't have time or money for anything else.



That was all very digressional and beside the point.



But how shallow we can be. What is truly important in life? The Gospel, our family, and our knowledge are the only things we get to take with us.



So why do we spend so much time pursuing everything else? Ugh, or as Dallas would say, GRRR. (No question mark, though)



I hate hate hate hate everything in this world.



I take that last comment back, but feel free to read it a few more times for emphasis before processing the take it back part, it made me feel better anyway.



I'm going to make a list



1. I want to travel the world, the entire world.

2. I want to meet hundred and hundreds of people, personally, closely.

3. I want to have a lifetime of memories and experiences to share with my kids and grandkids.

4. I want people to stop being so, conformative.

5. I want to write songs about everything.

6. I want to play my music in front of thousands and thousands of people.

7. I want to make movies, and music videos.

8. I want to skydive.

9. I want to scuba dive.

10. I want to go parasailing.

11. I want to have dinner with a random person every night for a month.

12. I want to learn as much as Brother Moses and Brother Black know about the scriptures and the gospel.

13. I want to learn how to do as many different things as possible, i.e. build a sailboat, breakdance, design an amazing flash video game.

14.I want to learn German, French, and Spanish.



Who knows where we'll be in ten or twenty or fifty years? Well, those of us who stick around Blanding all their life know where they will be. The only thing worse than sticking around Blanding all my life, for me, would be to marry someone from here and live here with them all my life.

I love writing songs, because when you write a song, you create something that has never been created before. No other person in the world has heard or listened or written it. It's yours. It's your own. Whether it's good or bad, it's yours. I think it is a form of godliness, of creation. I can't even even imagine, I can't even process or comprehend doing anything else with my life. I mean, the other things will fall into place. There are hundreds of other things I want to do, but It is really central. Art, writing, I love it. I think a song in itself is a form of existentialism, because nobody tells it was to be, it just happens. There are no rules or instructions. Nobody can tell a song what it can and what it can't be. It just comes of it's own.

It starts as an idea. Just like we started as a idea. The idea wanted to be something more. Our Father in Heaven saw that we wanted to be, so he said, hey I'll show you how to do it. I will show you how to become like me. I've got a plan all laid out, and if you do what I tell you, then eventually you can be just like me. It will be the most amazing thing. Do it, and you won't regret it. You can't even comprehend it right now, but someday, you will.

I believe that were are who we make ourselves. We are the product of our upbringing, but that doesn't mean we can't choose anything we want. Everything that happens to us can have as great or as little an impact on us as we choose too let it have. There is no such thing as destiny. There is potential, and there is foreordination. We choose whether we become the things that we have the potential to become. The only law is God's law. God doesn't even like making laws. He believes in Doctrine and Principle. Yet, there are so many people that can't grasp Doctrine and Principle, that he is forced to make Law. But that is for another time.

Idaho Girls

Here they are, the girls I always talk about. Chelsea and Tanya, respectively.

911, I told you so

http://milwaukee.indymedia.org/en/2006/05/205461.shtml

Dallas has one hundred forty two posts. Wow.

Check out threadless.com for some pretty sweet looking shirts

Good Day

First hour we played golf with amazing pvc 'balls' that sound kool when you hit them. It was amazingly chill and fun. Second hour we ditched a boring advisory with guymon who would undoubtedly talk all hour to play super smash bros. Third hour i played my tuba. last hour soccer. amazing soccer. we won. i got a bleeding lip from davy's elbow. after school we went riding for an hour after making mac and cheese (my way). after riding work. after work NIGHT JEEPING! we got chased by an angry cult and almost got cornered in their land. our cousin-brother eric saved us with his wisdom. then trash can tipping! i hurt Muh ankle. it was and all around good day:)

Album

Well Failing Overpass has a set album track list. Our next goal is to record it. We also want to make a music video for Youth's Cure. It's gonna be awesome. I've got it all in my head and I just have to say that if I can get it to video the way it is in my head then I will have outdone myself.

On Being Old and What it Takes to Get There

Stormi asked the question that went along the lines of "do you ever wonder what old people have been through in their lives?"



How many old people have a story to tell? How many old people have lived a life full of regret because they didn't teake the chances they should have?



My Grandpa once said that there was nothing better in this world than country music. (Refering to the original country music i.e. Johnny Cash, Howard Owens) My Grandpa played his music in Nashville and topped both Cash and Owens on the top 50 charts more than once. One day my Grandpa had the impression that he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. He felt that he should give up his music career to spend more time with his family. I sometimes wonder whether my Grandpa had any regrets. Now he's gone and I never got the chance to talk to him about any of it. I never really understood or knew the extent of how good he was, or what he gave up for his family. If he hadn't, then I wouldn't be here. At least, I wouldn't be in Blanding. I would be in the city. I'm glad I didn't grow up in the city. I want to move to the city, but I am very glad I didn't grow up there.



He loved his family more than anything. H was the best father and Grandfather that anyone could ask for. He was also an amazin singer. I wish I could have inherited his voice. At any rate, he moved to Blanding, Utah. Maybe I could be his musical proxy.



So many people are so worried about the future. I say, as long as you have food and a place to sleep, then what's the big deal? In 10 or 20 or 30 years what difference will it make? Do you want to have a life full of memories or do you want to have a long comfortable life with nothing much to show for it?