Thoughts/emotions in word-like form

I don't want to have these thoughts- they make me sad.
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They remind me of what I'll probably never have.

But it's a topic constantly on my mind.

Every thought in my head fights to lead, one way or another, to the object of my affection and constant attention.

I fight back, forcing serenity and order back into the connections and my mind calms.

Calm

Now I'm scheduled to enter the vicinity. There is no welcome. No smiles.

I make my move. Smiles. Banter. I gaze and my gaze is welcomed and returned. I can look but I can't touch.

Time ruins everything and the parting is not addressed. Compliment on today's dress.

Always so beautiful.

Repeat

This time, comparing thumbs, our hands brush.

Flutter

Flutter

Flutter

Blue blue eyes.

I love blue eyes.

My humor is received but it feels stupid. Laughter all the same.

I tell myself it's all a waste of time. It's all a waste of time.

Or is it? More contact. Hands, feet, legs. What does this all mean?

Subtly, and I don't think I can detect the message.

What is the message? It hurts to think about it.

It hurts not to.