Did you make it to the end of the world?
Did you find that comfort inside?
The old man is still across the street yelling
Real people don't drink from the fountain of life
We've been given so much and we took it all for granted
At least that's what they say
But we've been given one shot and we're not getting any younger
What good is it to live in tomorrow like it's yesterday?
If you're looking to stop us
I'd invite you to go right ahead
Just because your life is a bad dream
Doesn't mean we aren't all living until we're dead
Well I spoke to that man
I told him what was what
And left him with nothing to say
But in his mind he was reciting all the things that went wrong
When he did everyone somebody elses way
He knew he had one shot
And he was not getting any younger
Age takes a little each day
But he gave it up for logic and the right to live and die
With nothing much in between
Friday, February 27
Lazy Summer
Hello I've been waiting for you
The night is warm
The days are long too
The wind it plays
In the leaves like butterflies
And the only time I have
Is the time that is mine
The lazy summer is comfort as the birds
When they sing "Oh sweet summer"
To you and me
The night is warm
The days are long too
The wind it plays
In the leaves like butterflies
And the only time I have
Is the time that is mine
The lazy summer is comfort as the birds
When they sing "Oh sweet summer"
To you and me
Wednesday, February 18
Anger
I don't know where our anger comes from, but its probably from something that is opposite of the heart, so... Probably the liver. I guess i never really understood why people got mad or why i ever got mad when i did or do. When people are willing to 'put themselves in someone elses shoes'. A lot of people confuse this, though. It doesn't simply mean what would you do in this circumstance. People judge others character when they think this way, and usually incorrectly. We don't know everything that is going on with someone else unless we actually feel through experience for ourselves. When someone does something they shouldn't, most people look at it and say, 'well i wouldn't have done that so why did they? I must be better than them' or 'its my place to put them in THEIR place because obviously they can't get themself there'. It's easy to say so when you can see the big picture. I'll invade the eighth grade and freshman world for a moment.
Let's even turn it into a fun little story *yay!* Ahem. Kate (what an original name) thinks she loves Pete. (His real name is Petrucio but for the sake of the story...) Unfortunately she hardly ever gets to see him except for tuesdays and thursdays when he doesn't have a college class last period and so ends up in the library where she finds him and casually (yet internally terrified) approaches him on occasion and strikes up warm conversation.
Yep... Umm... This goes on for about two months and things have heated up quite warmly. Especially the time that kate dropped her book and pete had to tape it up. She held the book while pete taped it up. Their hands brushed multiple times. This also started the walking home together phase. It was that same day that kates mother decided that it was warm enough to walk home. Kate disagreed. But that didn't matter because school was almost over. Walking home only lasted for about a week because pete got a car. About this time they had both Her friends were jealous. Mostly they were upset at the distance that had come between them.they had nothing against pete though... At least not yet.
Her friends were jealous. Mostly they were upset at the distance that had come between them.they had nothing against pete though... At least not yet. One night though, kate snuck out with pete to get ice cream and hot chocolate (i know, right?) which her friends -not to mention her mother- didn't approve of. She didn't think it counted as a date since his little sister tagged along. But there was tension resulting nonetheless. A week later kate approached pete with this. She explained the circumstances. Luckily they were both mormon (go figure, its like this story takes place in blanding) and he was a dutiful priest. Unfortunately he was still a teenage boy and she was a teenage girl and they were still in his car and somehow they had ended up with their fingers intertwined during this discussion. They both understood that this was against page 13 of For The Strength of Youth where it clearly states not to date until the age of 16.
Ugh! Kate really screwed up, didn't she?
Her friends definitely judged her when they got mad at her and read to her page 13 of For The Strength Of Youth. But they just didn't understand.
Hmm...I'm not even sure this story is relevant. My back hurts from trying to to get killed by Turk. He is a real deusch sometimes. I wasn't angry though. Actually, I was more worried that I was going to have to hurt HIM. It wouldn't have been good. I didn't want to. But he really almost left no alternative. Good thing I'm so evasive.
I also decided to not be angry about another thing that was making me angry. At the dance, I saw a certain someone with a 2 other someones that I all but loathe. It made me mad, but I got past it and decided that it wasn't worth it. We had previously discussed the two people that she was with, and their character, and why she probably shouldn't hang out with them. Also I want her to be the best she can be. Also I was just feeling a little jealous. Anyway, I just decided that if she wants to be involved with them, then I guess I probably don't want to be involved with her. Maybe if she decides that she shouldn't hang out with them, then I can look into it a little further. Right?
Something Mike said sounded a little profound. He said, "I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm just looking for somebody that cares about me a lot, and if that turns into a relationship, so be it."
It doesn't matter so much what the titles and names are. It's hard, impossible to care about someone who doesn't care about you if you approach it in the right way.
But that has nothing to do with anger, so I'm digressing, so I'm going to bed.
Let's even turn it into a fun little story *yay!* Ahem. Kate (what an original name) thinks she loves Pete. (His real name is Petrucio but for the sake of the story...) Unfortunately she hardly ever gets to see him except for tuesdays and thursdays when he doesn't have a college class last period and so ends up in the library where she finds him and casually (yet internally terrified) approaches him on occasion and strikes up warm conversation.
Yep... Umm... This goes on for about two months and things have heated up quite warmly. Especially the time that kate dropped her book and pete had to tape it up. She held the book while pete taped it up. Their hands brushed multiple times. This also started the walking home together phase. It was that same day that kates mother decided that it was warm enough to walk home. Kate disagreed. But that didn't matter because school was almost over. Walking home only lasted for about a week because pete got a car. About this time they had both Her friends were jealous. Mostly they were upset at the distance that had come between them.they had nothing against pete though... At least not yet.
Her friends were jealous. Mostly they were upset at the distance that had come between them.they had nothing against pete though... At least not yet. One night though, kate snuck out with pete to get ice cream and hot chocolate (i know, right?) which her friends -not to mention her mother- didn't approve of. She didn't think it counted as a date since his little sister tagged along. But there was tension resulting nonetheless. A week later kate approached pete with this. She explained the circumstances. Luckily they were both mormon (go figure, its like this story takes place in blanding) and he was a dutiful priest. Unfortunately he was still a teenage boy and she was a teenage girl and they were still in his car and somehow they had ended up with their fingers intertwined during this discussion. They both understood that this was against page 13 of For The Strength of Youth where it clearly states not to date until the age of 16.
Ugh! Kate really screwed up, didn't she?
Her friends definitely judged her when they got mad at her and read to her page 13 of For The Strength Of Youth. But they just didn't understand.
Hmm...I'm not even sure this story is relevant. My back hurts from trying to to get killed by Turk. He is a real deusch sometimes. I wasn't angry though. Actually, I was more worried that I was going to have to hurt HIM. It wouldn't have been good. I didn't want to. But he really almost left no alternative. Good thing I'm so evasive.
I also decided to not be angry about another thing that was making me angry. At the dance, I saw a certain someone with a 2 other someones that I all but loathe. It made me mad, but I got past it and decided that it wasn't worth it. We had previously discussed the two people that she was with, and their character, and why she probably shouldn't hang out with them. Also I want her to be the best she can be. Also I was just feeling a little jealous. Anyway, I just decided that if she wants to be involved with them, then I guess I probably don't want to be involved with her. Maybe if she decides that she shouldn't hang out with them, then I can look into it a little further. Right?
Something Mike said sounded a little profound. He said, "I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm just looking for somebody that cares about me a lot, and if that turns into a relationship, so be it."
It doesn't matter so much what the titles and names are. It's hard, impossible to care about someone who doesn't care about you if you approach it in the right way.
But that has nothing to do with anger, so I'm digressing, so I'm going to bed.
5 Years
Where will you be in five years or what is your five year plan? In five years i will be almost 23. I will have been off my mission almost two years.I guess i'll either be in a band or writing or both. Maybe i'll do multimedia or be a camera man. Ahem, cinematographer. I think i spelled that wrong. 5 years ago i was almost 13. That would make me almost a 7th grader. I hated 7th grade and i hated the summer before 7th grade. I hope the difference between the next five years can be as good as the difference between the last five years.
My Voice Is Like A Freaking Dolphin
Said I to Dallas last night observing the fact that for some reason my voice doesn't like to hold still on any note. Its not vebrotto or however you spell it. Its... Like a dolphin.We were rapping up the vocals on a song that i wrote almost three years ago for someone very special. Dallas thinks its the best we've ever recorded a song. I think its a recording that we've done of a song. Lets just say that D is not my key. I think A minor is my favorite key. C is also a good key lol *music theory joke* i played my drums today, like, seriously played them. My arms were actually tired. I had to attempt something as extremely difficult as Not Now by Blink182 to make it so. The next step on our (Failing Overpass) journey will be a music video. Keep your eyes open.
Tuesday, February 17
You're Walking On Thin Ice and I've Got It In My Head To See If You Can Catch This Big Rock
Good luck to you my best friend
I've already packed your bags
Good luck with where you're going
Don't already have a destination in mind?
Well I can think of a few suggestions
The weather's getting colder and the outlook looks pretty grim
And it feels like my shoulder is freezing
But don't bother bundling up tonight cuz I hear
It's really warm where you're going
And it's getting colder
But the ice beneath us is getting ever thinner
And my blood pumps all the thicker
But my heart beats ice cold water
And I'm jumping in for a swim
Looking back on all the times I wished I was you
Pulling Strings and screaming your message
Not everyone hates everything that's good
Good luck my friend
I know that you're gonna need it
*lalala lalala guitar solo lalala lalala*
And it's getting colder
But I'm a thousand miles away on sunny sanded shores
And I won't forget you
But my heart beats nice warm blood and I'm jumping in for a swim
I've already packed your bags
Good luck with where you're going
Don't already have a destination in mind?
Well I can think of a few suggestions
The weather's getting colder and the outlook looks pretty grim
And it feels like my shoulder is freezing
But don't bother bundling up tonight cuz I hear
It's really warm where you're going
And it's getting colder
But the ice beneath us is getting ever thinner
And my blood pumps all the thicker
But my heart beats ice cold water
And I'm jumping in for a swim
Looking back on all the times I wished I was you
Pulling Strings and screaming your message
Not everyone hates everything that's good
Good luck my friend
I know that you're gonna need it
*lalala lalala guitar solo lalala lalala*
And it's getting colder
But I'm a thousand miles away on sunny sanded shores
And I won't forget you
But my heart beats nice warm blood and I'm jumping in for a swim
Wednesday, February 11
On Posture
Doctor Black says I have poor sitting posture. I agree. I just didn't know it was a problem.
It actually became such a problem suddenly that I sneezed today and it knocked me to the ground because my back couldn't handle it.
Anyway, he taught me how to sit proper so it should go away AND I'll have great sitting posture!
It actually became such a problem suddenly that I sneezed today and it knocked me to the ground because my back couldn't handle it.
Anyway, he taught me how to sit proper so it should go away AND I'll have great sitting posture!
Tuesday, February 10
An Old Poem
The winds of change are blowing
A draft sneaks past the door
A window still not quite shut
Is what I'm looking for
Hidden behind tinted glass
Echos in the hall
Doing time for me is past
The dust begins to fall
Doing time for me is past
The dust begins to fall
I wrote this last year. No, two years ago. It's kind of interesting now.
A draft sneaks past the door
A window still not quite shut
Is what I'm looking for
Hidden behind tinted glass
Echos in the hall
Doing time for me is past
The dust begins to fall
Doing time for me is past
The dust begins to fall
I wrote this last year. No, two years ago. It's kind of interesting now.
A Comment
Bridges- used to like them broken, now I'm addicted to building them.
Jumping- My back won't let me do it at the moment.
Saving- My grades? It's a possibility. Mike when he's all the way on the other side of the river with a boomer looming over him? No way, except for that I could do it if I had a torch bow.
Choosing- Mostly I let other people do it unless it matters to me.
Changing- We have to learn to accept that change is good, even if we don't want it. Even if we refuse to let it happen; we'll be happier afterwards if we allow ourselves to be. We just have to learn to let go of the past and the future will be that much brighter.
Oceans- I still haven't been to one but I will swim on the beach someday... I want to move to a beach in Florida.Swimming- Like in the ocean, or in the swimming pool at 2 in the morning in the middle of the summer; either way, fun.
Drowning- I guess I've never been hydrophobic. Drowning would be a terrible way to go though. Too much water in any situation isn't good, except in the ocean never enough water. Unless you take into account global warming enthusiasts who say the entire world is going to be drowned from the water melting in the ice caps. Morons.
Beaches- I always pictured myself in a hammock with my guitar and a cooler of sobe on the beach next to my little hut made out of palm leaves and bamboo. I really want to show people who live on the beach what a real bonfire is.Sun- Burns me, but I miss it to death right now.
Rain- People who say that rain is depressing have obviously never taken their shoes off and danced in it.
Tears- The real kind of depressing rain.
Clouds- When it's snowing and when it's sunny.
Smiles- So many kinds.Pretending- To be something we're not, or to not be something we are?Life- Without it, we would all be not alive.
Love- I should write a blog and link to this part....
Time- The great equalizer.
Truck- I don't like them in general, especially the big ones. Dallas' is pretty kool though. So is Kelsey's. \
Guitar- Suddenly it hit me, I could play it. It only took what, 3 years?
Lyrics-- I could write them if I didn't judge myself so harshly.
Make sense of that.
Jumping- My back won't let me do it at the moment.
Saving- My grades? It's a possibility. Mike when he's all the way on the other side of the river with a boomer looming over him? No way, except for that I could do it if I had a torch bow.
Choosing- Mostly I let other people do it unless it matters to me.
Changing- We have to learn to accept that change is good, even if we don't want it. Even if we refuse to let it happen; we'll be happier afterwards if we allow ourselves to be. We just have to learn to let go of the past and the future will be that much brighter.
Oceans- I still haven't been to one but I will swim on the beach someday... I want to move to a beach in Florida.Swimming- Like in the ocean, or in the swimming pool at 2 in the morning in the middle of the summer; either way, fun.
Drowning- I guess I've never been hydrophobic. Drowning would be a terrible way to go though. Too much water in any situation isn't good, except in the ocean never enough water. Unless you take into account global warming enthusiasts who say the entire world is going to be drowned from the water melting in the ice caps. Morons.
Beaches- I always pictured myself in a hammock with my guitar and a cooler of sobe on the beach next to my little hut made out of palm leaves and bamboo. I really want to show people who live on the beach what a real bonfire is.Sun- Burns me, but I miss it to death right now.
Rain- People who say that rain is depressing have obviously never taken their shoes off and danced in it.
Tears- The real kind of depressing rain.
Clouds- When it's snowing and when it's sunny.
Smiles- So many kinds.Pretending- To be something we're not, or to not be something we are?Life- Without it, we would all be not alive.
Love- I should write a blog and link to this part....
Time- The great equalizer.
Truck- I don't like them in general, especially the big ones. Dallas' is pretty kool though. So is Kelsey's. \
Guitar- Suddenly it hit me, I could play it. It only took what, 3 years?
Lyrics-- I could write them if I didn't judge myself so harshly.
Make sense of that.
Friday, February 6
Sorting Out the Brain
There are things in life that happen that you never forget. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.Physically, I'll never forget how a G chord feels or what my arms and legs do to play a rock beat. We can eat with our eyes closed because we just know where our mouth is. We never forget how to ride a bike, right?
We commit different things to memory, short term and long term. I can automatically tell whether something is gonna stick around for awhile or not. Also, times like when Eric flew off the curb and landed in the middle of the road on his back and nearly broke his tailbone. I'll never forget that, ever.
Emotional-....this is the hard one. Physical pain is nothing, and I can repress anything I don't want to remember. And actually, I can simply not pay attention, distract myself. The only time I'm vunerable is when I let myself become emotionally attached to something, someone. There is a fine line between the things that I don't care enough about and the things that can cause real painI've said it before, maybe not in a blog, but sometimes my empathy drives me crazy. I feel what someone else is feeling so strongly, that i actually forget what my own feelings are.But that rarely leads to anything permanent.
Love- I can only think of two instances when I truly believed it was love. 1 was 4 years ago. 1 was last year.They are really the only 2 things emotionally that I have felt that I've had zero control over. Of course there were steps taken to get into the situation, but once I was there, I couldn't do anything about it. Last year is the only one that I actually acted on. It was Amazing ThrillingExciting, newFunScary... I loved it. and then everything went wrong. But the past is the past. I accepted that when it happened- the circumstances would never allow anything different, and I would have been crazy not to accept it. It hurt forever, but there was just nothing I could do. It was out of hand by then.
Painful? Yes.
Angry
Resentment
Bitterness
Mostly I think I was just mad at myself. It was my fault in a lot of waysBut in a lot of ways it wasn't. It was definitely a joint effort.
Anyway, this was a big digression. The point that I was originally going to try to make is this- there are things that happen emotionally are too powerful and can never really be forgotten. No matter how much we might disagree... maybe we can just avoid the circumstances that ignite the emotion, but eventually it will be talked about, and instantly it'll feel like your heart is going to pound out of your chest and no, you won't have any control over it. That's why it's so difficult to talk about I suppose. That's why it's so hard to try to make things better, to make feelings good again. I mean, there aren't bad feelings but feeling anything from it runs the risk of feeling things that probably aren't wanted. By yourself, or by the one that makes you feel it.
So what's the solution?
We commit different things to memory, short term and long term. I can automatically tell whether something is gonna stick around for awhile or not. Also, times like when Eric flew off the curb and landed in the middle of the road on his back and nearly broke his tailbone. I'll never forget that, ever.
Emotional-....this is the hard one. Physical pain is nothing, and I can repress anything I don't want to remember. And actually, I can simply not pay attention, distract myself. The only time I'm vunerable is when I let myself become emotionally attached to something, someone. There is a fine line between the things that I don't care enough about and the things that can cause real painI've said it before, maybe not in a blog, but sometimes my empathy drives me crazy. I feel what someone else is feeling so strongly, that i actually forget what my own feelings are.But that rarely leads to anything permanent.
Love- I can only think of two instances when I truly believed it was love. 1 was 4 years ago. 1 was last year.They are really the only 2 things emotionally that I have felt that I've had zero control over. Of course there were steps taken to get into the situation, but once I was there, I couldn't do anything about it. Last year is the only one that I actually acted on. It was Amazing ThrillingExciting, newFunScary... I loved it. and then everything went wrong. But the past is the past. I accepted that when it happened- the circumstances would never allow anything different, and I would have been crazy not to accept it. It hurt forever, but there was just nothing I could do. It was out of hand by then.
Painful? Yes.
Angry
Resentment
Bitterness
Mostly I think I was just mad at myself. It was my fault in a lot of waysBut in a lot of ways it wasn't. It was definitely a joint effort.
Anyway, this was a big digression. The point that I was originally going to try to make is this- there are things that happen emotionally are too powerful and can never really be forgotten. No matter how much we might disagree... maybe we can just avoid the circumstances that ignite the emotion, but eventually it will be talked about, and instantly it'll feel like your heart is going to pound out of your chest and no, you won't have any control over it. That's why it's so difficult to talk about I suppose. That's why it's so hard to try to make things better, to make feelings good again. I mean, there aren't bad feelings but feeling anything from it runs the risk of feeling things that probably aren't wanted. By yourself, or by the one that makes you feel it.
So what's the solution?
Tuesday, February 3
My Life Right Now
I guess you have to ask yourself where you are every once in a while. Sometime I have no idea. Sometimes I would be happy to tell you all about it.
Right now... I don't know.
Am I happy? Certainly. I've probably never been happier in my life. I learn new things every day and I LOVE seminary. I love knowing the truth and what to do with it. I love Brother Black. I don't love homework, especially busy work which is mostly what I get from Choi, but Sivert and Bake are my favorites.
Greg and I have been doing some serious recording of some songs. The quality is outstanding. I can't wait to get them posted.
I DO need to read my scriptures more, and keep up better on my homework.
But really, I have no reason to be unhappy. I'm not, but I keep having these bouts of melancholy and I don't know where they come from. Alright, I really do. It's when I'm not doing everything I'm supposed to, or when I'm doing things I shouldn't. You'd think I would be bright enough to just get it right already. I have it worked out in theory, just not practice.
I'm a Junior, and I'll only need one more credit to graduate after this year.
I'm not going to graduate early though, because I'm going to graduate with my associate degree. I can't afford not to be a transfer student.
All I can get myself to care about lately is my music. I just don't care about anything else. It's not been good for my homework doing....
Right now... I don't know.
Am I happy? Certainly. I've probably never been happier in my life. I learn new things every day and I LOVE seminary. I love knowing the truth and what to do with it. I love Brother Black. I don't love homework, especially busy work which is mostly what I get from Choi, but Sivert and Bake are my favorites.
Greg and I have been doing some serious recording of some songs. The quality is outstanding. I can't wait to get them posted.
I DO need to read my scriptures more, and keep up better on my homework.
But really, I have no reason to be unhappy. I'm not, but I keep having these bouts of melancholy and I don't know where they come from. Alright, I really do. It's when I'm not doing everything I'm supposed to, or when I'm doing things I shouldn't. You'd think I would be bright enough to just get it right already. I have it worked out in theory, just not practice.
I'm a Junior, and I'll only need one more credit to graduate after this year.
I'm not going to graduate early though, because I'm going to graduate with my associate degree. I can't afford not to be a transfer student.
All I can get myself to care about lately is my music. I just don't care about anything else. It's not been good for my homework doing....
Sunday, February 1
Honor Band
I HATE it.
I also LOVE it.
Look what it does to my fingers!
I spent like 12 hours in 2 days plucking away and blowing people's faces off with my bass.
I also asked Heather Holyoak to lunch. She's a senior.
We made faces and laughed all day and made fun of the director for being a sticklor.
Not a bad Honor Band.
I also LOVE it.
Look what it does to my fingers!
I spent like 12 hours in 2 days plucking away and blowing people's faces off with my bass.
I also asked Heather Holyoak to lunch. She's a senior.
We made faces and laughed all day and made fun of the director for being a sticklor.
Not a bad Honor Band.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)