Sorting Out the Brain

There are things in life that happen that you never forget. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.Physically, I'll never forget how a G chord feels or what my arms and legs do to play a rock beat. We can eat with our eyes closed because we just know where our mouth is. We never forget how to ride a bike, right?

We commit different things to memory, short term and long term. I can automatically tell whether something is gonna stick around for awhile or not. Also, times like when Eric flew off the curb and landed in the middle of the road on his back and nearly broke his tailbone. I'll never forget that, ever.

Emotional-....this is the hard one. Physical pain is nothing, and I can repress anything I don't want to remember. And actually, I can simply not pay attention, distract myself. The only time I'm vunerable is when I let myself become emotionally attached to something, someone. There is a fine line between the things that I don't care enough about and the things that can cause real painI've said it before, maybe not in a blog, but sometimes my empathy drives me crazy. I feel what someone else is feeling so strongly, that i actually forget what my own feelings are.But that rarely leads to anything permanent.

Love- I can only think of two instances when I truly believed it was love. 1 was 4 years ago. 1 was last year.They are really the only 2 things emotionally that I have felt that I've had zero control over. Of course there were steps taken to get into the situation, but once I was there, I couldn't do anything about it. Last year is the only one that I actually acted on. It was Amazing ThrillingExciting, newFunScary... I loved it. and then everything went wrong. But the past is the past. I accepted that when it happened- the circumstances would never allow anything different, and I would have been crazy not to accept it. It hurt forever, but there was just nothing I could do. It was out of hand by then.

Painful? Yes.

Angry

Resentment

Bitterness

Mostly I think I was just mad at myself. It was my fault in a lot of waysBut in a lot of ways it wasn't. It was definitely a joint effort.

Anyway, this was a big digression. The point that I was originally going to try to make is this- there are things that happen emotionally are too powerful and can never really be forgotten. No matter how much we might disagree... maybe we can just avoid the circumstances that ignite the emotion, but eventually it will be talked about, and instantly it'll feel like your heart is going to pound out of your chest and no, you won't have any control over it. That's why it's so difficult to talk about I suppose. That's why it's so hard to try to make things better, to make feelings good again. I mean, there aren't bad feelings but feeling anything from it runs the risk of feeling things that probably aren't wanted. By yourself, or by the one that makes you feel it.

So what's the solution?